It seems like such a perfect solution to your career woes…find a new job.

New boss, new co-workers, new desk, new job description, new salary. Get rid of that one super-annoying person and that one super-annoying project, right?

Well…Maybe not so much. Read more

Another great question that is on the mind of not only my niece, but many of my adult clients! (Although they may express the question a little bit differently.)

The cure to this challenge lays in developing good habits of “minding your own business” at all moments.

Read more

Appreciation = Abundance How to have more of the Good

Do you often find yourself so busy in the daily grind, surrounded by stress and tasks that it is all you can see?
We can change that today! Follow these simple steps and experience all the goodness you need:

1. Take five minutes right now to write down anything in your life that you appreciate
2. Go into your FaceBook or twitter account and post/tweet to two people (or more) that you want to thank, appreciate or otherwise acknowledge for something they have done or just for being in your life
3. Put on your favourite upbeat music and listen to it as loud as your surroundings will allow
Why?
• In order to feel true gratitude you must actually take a moment to stop the busy-ness of each day, even for a few seconds or minutes, to think about and feel whatever it is you appreciate.
• Writing down the things you appreciate and openly acknowledging the people you appreciate is the best way to seal in the great things you already have while at the same time attracting even more of the goodness you want.
• Music is one of the #1 simple stress relievers that is most often forgotten about… It’s the easiest way to give yourself a good-mood boost!
Try these steps right now and send me a post or comment to let me know how it worked for you.

Love and Success,

Laura

Heartbreaking and amazing situation.  3 women held captive for almost 10 years.

I’m sure you’ve heard the reports, but if not you can catch up on CNN…

One thing that really struck me is how Amanda handled the 911 call she made moments after managing to escape the home she had been held captive in.

She was very clear with the operator…(words may be slightly paraphrased) “I’m Amanda Berry and I’ve been kidnapped.  I’ve been missing for 10 years.  I’m free now.”

She clearly stated her need for police and she would not hang up with the operator until she knew the police were immediately on the way:

911 Operator: “Talk to the police when they get there.”

Amanda: “OK, are they on their way right now? I need to know!”

911 Operator: “As soon as we get a car open.”

Amanda: “No!  I need them now!…”

I hear such strength, self-worth and empowerment behind her rightful exclamation of her truth: “No!” (That’s NOT ok!)

I’m amazed and humbled at her level of strength and willingness to claim what she needs.  Especially after what I can only imagine was a 10 year tortuous nightmare.

If all people were as willing to state a boundary so clearly and effectively, the world would be a much better place.  Thanks to great examples like Amanda, we are getting there.

The Guardian recently published a great article about a nurse’s discussions with people at the end of their lives.  What did they look back on and regret?

There were some common themes!

I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.

I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

I wish that I had let myself be happier.

Perhaps not surprisingly, this is a list very consistent with the major themes of coaching.

Happiness matters, and is largely under your control.

Most people I speak with are giving more to their job than their job gives to them.

Most people I speak with have dreams, values, and personal characteristics they aren’t living.

Most people get true fulfillment in life from their personal relationships.

Most people can gain immeasurably by expressing their feelings.  It is a key to not only deepening relationships, but also understanding yourself, who you want to be, and accessing the wisdom and energy required to create a truly great life.

Read the full article here…Top Five Regrets of the Dying.

Coaches vary widely in their approach, background, training, style and ideal client!

Some coaches are very nuts and bolts, some are very spiritual and high level.  Some coaches will excel at helping you reach specific goals, and some coaches will excel at helping you get good at reaching goals on your own!  Some coaches are pragmatic and high-level/transformative at the same time.

In my opinion (certainly biased because this is the type of coach I am!), the best coaches will help you grow in line with how you are meant to be growing.  For example, this may be a time in your life when you are learning to live in prosperity, or maybe this is a time in your life when you are learning to express your truth more often in the work arena.

Somewhat counter-intuitively, growing in your own way will help you in all of the areas of your life you’ve identified as needing improvement, even if the exact growth area seems totally unrelated.  So, for example, let’s say you want a new job, but it becomes very apparent early in your coaching that you have no idea how to organize your time effectively.  Working on your routines and discipline will end up leading directly to more satisfying career conditions.  That’s just how it works.

Here are some things to look for if you want a truly satisfying coaching experience…

Green Flags (things that are good signs that this is excellent coaching for you!)

• Your conversations with your coach are different than conversations with friends and family
• You always leave a coaching conversation with new insights, or at least thoughts to ponder, about yourself
• You feel more confident in yourself
• You feel more confident that you are moving in the right directions
• There are some significant changes in your life, some of them even challenging, but you feel well equipped to master your moments
• You feel more of how you want to feel, be that happy, fulfilled, energetic, peaceful…
• You are getting lots of new ideas of things you could do in your life
• Your relationships are moving in healthy directions, or ending if they are unhealthy
• Your coach is clearly 100% focused on you
• You have no doubt that your coach “has your back”
• You know your coaching goals/objectives and you can measure/assess your progress
• You are frequently amazed at how fast/simply things seem to be transforming for you!  (“I can’t believe how much of a difference this coaching has made for me!”)

Red Flags (signs this may not be the best coaching for you)

• Your coach seems to be giving you a lot of “advice”
• Your coach doesn’t seem to be listening to you
• It seems like nothing is changing
• You aren’t looking forward to talking to your coach
• You feel “pushed” (challenged and stimulated and expanded past your normal limits is good, feeling “pushed” into things probably isn’t!)
• You used to have great chemistry with your coach, but now it has dropped off

You may find that you find one coach that you LOVE and keep using for years.  You may find that you have a coach that works great for you for a while, then you go off on your own.  Or, you may find that different kinds of coaches work for you best at different times in your life.

To get started, do your research, and choose, 1, 2 or 3 coaches to have free sessions with.  If you feel great about the first coach you talk to, give them a try for 1-3 months!  Or, talk to a few coaches until you find someone you feel you click with.

There is no way a coach can prove to you that coaching is going to “work” for you without you giving it a try.  You have to put yourself out there a bit and be willing to take a chance!   The green flags and red flags listed above will help you assess early on if you are getting great coaching for YOU.  When you connect with a great coach for you, there will be absolutely no stopping you in life.  All of your dreams, even the ones you dared not dream, can come true.  You will be accessing your unlimited potential, living the way that you want to be living, and absolutely in love with your life!

The snowstorm hitting the Northeast, Ontario and Atlantic provinces certainly is a challenge!  Yet, like all challenges it contains some great opportunities for learning, appreciation, enjoyment and fulfillment.  There is a lot to love here!

Top 5 Things to Love About the Snowstorm:

5.  A Change From Your Usual Routine (a big one!)

It’s great when the weather simply makes it impossible to engage in your usual responsibilities.  This is a chance to take a mini-break from work, school and even your usual mental concerns.  Allow yourself this break!  What does this break allow you to do that you usually can not?  Play in the snow is an obvious first option!

4.  A Super Chance for Learning

Yes, in a situation like this, some things are not going to go perfectly.  That’s ok, that’s what growth looks like!  This is a great chance for individuals, and towns, cities, states, provinces and countries to refine methods of communication, mutual support, and logistics.  For example, we have ever increasing numbers of cool technologies now, cell phone cameras, Twitter, Facebook, crowd sourcing…How can they be used in situations like this?  How can we engage weather events in better, smarter more organized ways?  It doesn’t seem like there is going to be a decrease in challenging and unique weather events any time soon.  No time like the present to get smart!

3. Exercise Your Appreciation Muscles!

The corner variety store owner.  The snowplowing crews.  The police, firefighters and emergency workers.  The city workers and administrators.  How often do you stop and give notice to how much these people help you?  Not just in emergencies, but all the time!  There is a complex network of people around you, helping you live the very best life you can.  If it isn’t always obvious, it should be obvious right now.  Feel the appreciation and share the love with a heartfelt thanks!

2. A Chance to Commune and Cooperate with Our Neighbors

We may have our Facebook friends, our co-workers and our families, but how often do we actually come out of our houses and talk to our neighbors?  How often do we get to pitch in and help?  Helping your community feels great and can make a huge contribution.   Who needs help digging out?  Is there an elderly person in the neighborhood you might check on?  Do you have extra supplies you can share?  Are there any pets or wildlife in distress?  If you can’t find a way to pitch in and help, you’re not trying!  (Conversely, if you need help, ask for it!  Most people would love to help you if you tell them what you need.)

1. A Chance to Have Quality (Quiet!) Time with Our Family

Typical day at home…Everyone is in their own room staring at their own screens.  There’s nothing like a power outage to bring everyone into the same room.  And, gasp, talk to each other!  Talk, play games, tell stories, work together and create memories.   Maybe even a little snuggling to stay warm.  🙂 There can be nothing more refreshing, fulfilling and enjoyable than quality time with your family.  Even if it wasn’t necessarily by choice.  You may find that you enjoy it so much, you make some new resolutions, like one “blackout” evening per month from now on!

True fulfillment in life does not necessarily come when everything is “fine” and “normal”.  True fulfillment comes in growth, creativity, overcoming challenges, helping others and connecting with other people.  This snowstorm is a great opportunity for the quality moments that develop character and add depth and meaning to our lives.

Typical scenario:  We perform below our expectations of ourselves.

Standard reaction:  We don’t like that.  It upsets us.  We set a new expectation to do better next time.

Usual outcome:  Our performance stays the sames or gets “worse”.

Sound familiar?  Our standard reaction to behavior that is less than optimal is to encounter the behavior with negative energy, thinking (if we think at all), that our disapproval will get us better results next time.

How well has that approach worked for you?

Try this:  Meet all your thoughts, feelings, actions and “results” with approval.

If you can’t bring yourself to do that, hire a coach and find out what it means to be unconditionally friendly with yourself, and how it can transform your whole life.

I had fun the other night, imaging how the 9 Enneagram personality types might respond to an identical input…

Let’s say, someone’s boss approaches and says something like “that was a horrible way to do that.”  How might the different types react to this challenging input?  For the responses below, I am imagining people at a moderate (a.k.a. normal) level of personal development.

Boss:  “That was a horrible way to do that.”

Type 1: Look of derision.  Anger/tension visible just under the surface.  Too upset to speak right away.  (Thoughts of all the ways the boss is incompetent.  Afraid that too much anger will come out if they say anything.  Lots of energy rising inside.)

Type 2: Almost crying, or crying…”But I worked really hard on that.”  (Feeling wounded, feeling like the boss is saying they are a bad person.)

Type 3: “There were some difficulties in this case.  My actions were within the guidelines of latest professional practice.  However,  I’ve adjusted my approach since then and am having perfect results henceforth.  Thanks for the feedback, I’m always open to constructive criticism from a professional such as yourself.”  (Saying all the right things, but feeling deep shame.)

Type 4: “What?  How dare you say that?!  I put my heart and soul into this!  This is my finest work!”  (Personally offended and outraged.)

Type 5:  Low personal development:  “Well, if you don’t want my help, I’m outta here.”   Moderate personal development:  “I don’t believe that is correct, and here is why…”  (Emotionally disconnecting, retreating into “superior” logic.)

Type 6:  “Oh, I’m sorry”.  (Panicking internally, oh-my-god, is he right?)

Type 7:  “Whoops!  Let’s go grab a beer…” (Avoiding feeling pain, replacing with fun activity.)

Type 8:  “Screw you.  This is your fault!  You are the one that screws up everything.  You’ve really lost your focus ever since your wife left you, and I’m not going to pay the price for it.”  (Aggressively fighting back, personal attacks.)

Type 9:  “It’s cool man, no problem.  How about I fix it tomorrow, ok?”  (Taking the fastest road to everyone feeling calm.)

Obviously, these are attempts at predicting stereotypical responses, and people are much more complicated than that in reality!  Also, you may find people of various types expressing patterns of almost any of the types at different times.  Yet, I hope this gives a basic window into responses that might be ‘typical’ of the Enneagram types!

Yes, it’s true, I do watch reality TV!

Much of it is contrived (yes, producers, we can tell!), yet you can still discern some very interesting human dynamics play out.

Tonight is the final reunion show of the Real Housewives of Vancouver.

There seem to be some Enneagram dynamics going on, a common one, between 8’s and 6’s.

Jody and Ronnie both seem to be 8’s.  8’s have the ability to be great protectors, but also great “bullies” towards the weak.  Mary seems to be a 6.

Given Mary’s complaints about Ronnie (you should stand by me, you should protect me), Ronnie used to fulfill the role of the protector 8, while Mary filled the role of the loyal 6 in their friendship.

When Jody came on the scene, things changed.  Jody seems to display some of the more  challenging 8 characteristics (8’s are even known as “the Challenger’s!).  She “attacks” Mary, going right for her weakest spots.

Ronnie seems to have been somewhat turned off by Mary’s “weakness”, and her perceived lack of loyalty when she dared comment on Ronnie’s drinking.  That made Jody an attractive ally to Ronnie.

Summary of my guesses of the types:

Jody, Ronnie – Type 8 – The Challenger – The Powerful, Dynamic Type:  Self-Confident, Decisive, Willful and Confrontational

Mary – Type 6 – The Loyalist – The Committed, Security (Safety)-Oriented Type: Engaging, Responsible, Anxious and Suspicious

Christina – May be Type 7 – The Enthusiast – The Busy, Fun-Loving Type: Spontaneous, Versatile, Acquisitive and Scattered

Reiko – Possibly Type 5 – The Investigator/Observer – The Intense, Cerebral Type:  Perceptive, Innovative, Secretive and Isolated – I am guessing this type because she does tend to be very observant.  She would have to be a fairly highly developed 5, however, with her love of instinctual activities such as racing.

Watch for more interesting dynamics tonight!