Do you find yourself being challenged to find a healthy balance between your career and life outside of work? The term work-life balance first appeared in 1986 in the US in response to the increasing demands of work and career and their effects on ones’ lifestyle outside of work. Many companies, as well as employees, have struggled with this concept since that point. There have been endless corporate programs, training sessions, and efforts to try and obtain an effective balance between work and life outside of work. Is the term work-life balance something that you should really be striving for, or is it a complete fallacy?
The term work-life balance is really misleading at best. Balance is defined as “a state of bodily equilibrium”. So, the term itself assumes that your work and life outside of work should be in complete equilibrium. While this seems like something to strive for, do you really want to have complete balance between your work and your life outside of work? What does that even mean? By defining this as your goal, are you setting yourself up to chase after something that is not only impossible, but perhaps not even desirable?
Perhaps a better way to define work-life balance would be to slightly shift your goal to one of work-life integration. Integration is defined as “behavior, as of an individual, that is in harmony with the environment”. By shifting your focus to integration instead of balance, it sets you free from chasing after the impossible equilibrium of your work and life, and allows you to determine how to create an environment that is in harmony with your overall life goals. Which one sounds more empowering to you?
Filed under Blog, Career Coaching by on May 17th, 2011. 4 Comments.
Well, the Mommy Weight Loss Series on the Marilyn Denis show is going great!
People have really responded to the coaching aspect of the show, it’s wonderful to see coaching ideas getting national play.
Tomorrow, Friday, May 13th, is the big reveal…You’ll want to see for yourself the amazing changes the women have made!
Thanks so much for joining us!
I love the new series on the OWN network, Oprah Presents Master Class. The other day I was watching the one with Jay-Z, the rap superstar.
My mouth dropped open when he began to describe flow. Now, he was speaking in the context of creating music (or, as he says, becoming one with the music), yet his words are strikingly applicable to life in general:
“Flow is just becoming one with the music. You find someplace inside the music that you can tuck in, and you don’t get in the way of the groove. You insert yourself in the song as an instrument. You’re just part of the track. You are no different than the horn or the snare or the bass or the hi-hat. You found the place in that track to tuck in and you just don’t disturb the groove. It’s just smooth, and it just flows. I love having that experience.” ~Jay-Z
Replace “music/song/track” with moment and “the horn/snare/bass/hi-hat” with the other people/environment/event and you’ll have an outstanding sensory description of life when you are in the flow, living in the moment, fully present. Dare I even say, replace “the groove” with the Divine/Spirit/Love/Source/Life Force/Universe/God..?…I dare!
Update: Youtube took away the video clip…
, and they don’t have it on Oprah’s site…Guess you’ll just have to keep your eye out for the episode!
Filed under Blog, Feature Articles, Spiritual Coaching by on Apr 20th, 2011. Comment.
The beliefs I hold underlie everything I do and say and how I perceive the world around us. My beliefs combine to construct a complex web of interconnected concepts that form my model of the world. It is literally how I see and experience the world around me. I have “concepts about the world and a concept is merely a belief and a belief is merely an opinion I have a particular loyalty to.* My beliefs can be very useful as a way of understanding the world around me as long as my beliefs are based on reality and I can tinker with them when they aren’t.
I have beliefs about everything. I have beliefs about who I am, my place in the world, my job, about my children, the elderly, or politicians. When I meet someone for the first time, my beliefs fill in a lot of gaps in my knowledge about them. My beliefs create assumptions based on what I know or assume about people who resemble them. This is where it gets tricky. If I don’t want to be imprisoned by my beliefs, it’s critical to be aware of the difference between what I really know about someone and what I’m assuming about them.
So what is the point of having beliefs? They give us a way of understanding the world (our model of the world, remember). Some of them are based on hard evidence, our experiences in the world and many of them are received from our parents, our culture and our peers. Beliefs do a number of other jobs. Some are designed to keep us safe, others to make us comfortable and even some to keep us from worrying too much.
Even my most positive and noble beliefs can imprison me. The way elephants are trained illustrates that having beliefs that imprison us isn’t peculiarly a human trait. When an elephant is being broken in, the trainers take a huge chain and attach it to the elephant’s leg. They attach the other end to a spike that’s driven deep into the ground. No matter how much the elephant strains against the chain, it learns that resistance is futile.
As the elephant becomes more docile, the chain is replaced with smaller and smaller chains. The elephant comes to believe there is no point in trying to escape and never tries again. You might laugh at the elephant, and you might even think that it’s being irrational to imprison itself. This is exactly how beliefs work in humans. Everyone I’ve ever met, including you, has irrational beliefs. We are particularly good at building prisons for ourselves.
In 1955, Dr. Albert Ellis identified 12 common irrational beliefs. Most of us hold some or all of these beliefs. For example: I think I am most happy when I am inert or inactive when I am in fact happiest when I am engaged. Elephants are in very good company.
I notice that my world view is also responsible for how I get stuck. When my world-view doesn’t match reality, I stop dead in my tracks. If I stop long enough and don’t change my beliefs to align with reality, I’ll get stuck. For instance if my creative abilities are called into question, challenging many beliefs I have about myself, I might slip into inaction and self doubt. Rather than questioning the person who challenged me, I might undermine my own creativity. If I’m not aware of my beliefs, it’s difficult to change them.
Pain is what happens when your model of the world doesn’t match reality. Imagine you are in love with someone and have all kinds of belief about loyalty, love, and about that person in particular. What happens if they leave you? Pain! Where do you start to rearrange your beliefs about yourself and your concepts? These are pretty fundamental beliefs and it’s painful when you realize that they might be wrong. Suffering is what happens when you are in pain, but feel powerless to change anything.
In both cases you have a set of beliefs about how the world works. What would you do if you realized the stake binding you to your world-view became untethered? I think most of us would undergo a bit of a crisis and I’m sure it would be no different for the elephant.
It’s my belief that humans are creatures that have beliefs and always will have them but they aren’t set in stone. So how can you make the most of your beliefs, make them work for you, and not be limited by them? Rick Carson,* the author of Taming Your Gremlin has a paraphrase of the Zen Theory of Change that works for me. His version goes,
I free myself not by trying to free myself, but by simply noticing how I am imprisoning myself in the very moment I am imprisoning myself.
In other words, simply notice my beliefs and how you construct little worlds with them that often imprison you.
Consider for a moment whether your beliefs guide you toward problems or toward new solutions? Do your beliefs focus on your powerlessness or on your power of choice? If you want to feel directed, you want to choose your beliefs carefully. When you focus on solutions, your ability to make choices and the things that will take you forward, you will not only be happier but more able to help others. In order to take control of your beliefs, you must be aware of them when they pop up and be open to making new choices for yourself.
An elephant never forgets, but humans have the capacity to consider choices they are making and be aware of the consequences. By simply noticing my beliefs, I can begin to make small adjustments to my model of the world that might fit with the reality I encounter.
• I owe Rick Carson a debt of gratitude for imagining this line in his Taming Your Gremlin book. Visit my website at: http://giantstepscoaching.com
Filed under Blog by on Apr 19th, 2011. Comment.
As a life and executive coach I do a lot of work with people around their goals. Setting goals puts you in the driver’s seat, giving you the power to transform your life or take a company to another level. Successfully setting and executing goals is not rocket science but there is a tried and true way that works for my clients and me. Sticking to this program guarantees success. It doesn’t matter whether your goals are personal or they are used to direct a large enterprise, the steps and the pitfalls are identical. I’ll take you through a quick tour. If you like, you can identify a goal of yours and do a test run of the system.
The steps to executing goals are simple, unambiguous and easy to follow and should be practiced every day. Skipping one step increases the odds that you won’t realize your goal.
The first step to goal setting is to have absolute belief and faith in the process. If you don’t believe you can absolutely transform your life and get what you want, then you might as well put down your pencil and do something else. If you are in doubt, look around you. Everything you can see began as a thought. If you identify something you really want, you can make it happen if want it badly enough.
Visualize what you want. Think of what you deeply desire in your life or where you want your company to be a year from now. What has to change for that to happen? What transformations need to take place? What do you need to know or learn? What spiritual, emotional, personal, financial, social or physical properties need to be addressed? The clearer you can get with each of these dimensions, brings your vision into sharp focus. The clearer you are about what you want, the easier it will be to focus on making it happen. Write down as many things as you can think about. Not being absolutely clear about your vision will make taking action very difficult.
Get it down! Writing down your goals is key to success. A 1953 Yale study followed 100 students to see how they ended up. Only 3% had written goals. Ten years later, this 3% was happier, more satisfied and had reached the goals they had set out to achieve. More importantly, the net worth of that 3% was greater than the rest of the 97% combined. By writing down your goals, you become a creator. Failure to write down your goals often means you will forget them or won’t focus on them, most likely like that other 97%.
If you have multiple goals, you may need to chunk elements of your vision into individual goals. Having a list of twenty or thirty objectives can be hard to keep track of and even more difficult to focus on. Chunking involves grouping “like” items together. For instance let’s say you have goals around taking your business to the next level. You might chunk your goals into financial, marketing, organizational and so on. It’s easier to focus on a few goals than a list of 20-odd items. Failure to chunk results in failure to focus and loss of direction.
The next step is to identify a purpose for each goal. Knowing why you want to achieve your goals is powerful. Identifying the purpose of your goal will help you instantly recognize why you want that particular goal and whether it’s worth working toward.. Knowing why you want something furnishes motivation to see it through to the finish. After all, if the purpose of earning a million dollars is to put it in the bank to save for a rainy day, you probably won’t be as motivated as if you need it to pay for your child’s cancer treatment. Your purpose says a lot about you as a person and your goals.
The next step of goal setting is to commit to your goals. This might sound obvious to you but it’s a step that has huge consequences when it is taken lightly. Write a few pages about why and how you are committing to each goal; why it’s important to you, what it means to you, why the outcome is necessary and what are you going to do to make it happen. Without strong commitment you aren’t likely to follow through.
Stay focused. By staying focused on your goals, you manifest. You may not know how you’ll reach your goals but when you make a daily practice of focusing on your goals, they become easier to reach. The more you focus, the more people and things will come into your life that help make your goals a reality. Having your goals written down somewhere where you will see them each day is a good idea. Your mind will notice that there is a discrepancy between where you are now and where you want to be which will create pressure. Pressure is motivation to change. If you lose focus you can always bring it back. Without a regular practice of focusing on your goals you will get distracted by something and your goal will disappear.
The next step is to create a plan of action. Being really clear about what you want, knowing your purpose, writing your goals down, committing to them, and staying focused gives you the power of clarity to write down a list of action steps the need to be executed over the year. You may not know all the steps ahead of time but you will know the next steps that take you in that direction. Even if you don’t know how you are going to do something, write it down and when the time comes, you will be surprised at the options that may appear. Having goals without a plan of action is like trying to complete a complex project without a project plan. There is too much going on, it’s too disorganized, you miss deadlines and you don’t have priorities. Eventually you get frustrated and the project/goal fails or collapses under it’s own weight.
To show how committed you are to your goals, think of something you can do right now that will get you moving toward fulfilling your goal. Even if it’s just making a phone call, do it now. You will be surprised how this simple step reinforces all the previous steps and gets you motivated and moving toward what you desire. Why wait? If you are not motivated to so something right now, how are you going to get motivated tomorrow?
To push through when things get tough, you will have to hold yourself accountable unless you bring in outside help like a coach. It makes sense to have someone besides yourself who can provide valuable feedback at critical junctures, like in the visualization stage. Some people tell their friends and family about their goals which gives them the accountability they need to stick to it. Once you start to achieve some success you will find it easier to keep motivated. Consider having a backup plan. What can you do if you get stuck for too long?
Make it part of your day to review your goals and take action. This will keep your goals alive and top of mind. By following these steps and practicing your goals each day, you have all the elements you need to succeed and achieve your goals. It isn’t always easy to push through. Some days will be easier than others but if you keep focused on your goals you will be amazed at the progress you will make. Remember, almost everything begins as a thought. You can be what you imagine if you follow these simple goal-setting rules.
Filed under Articles, Blog, Business Coaching, Career Coaching, Coaching, Coaching Techniques, Executive Coaching, Life Coaching, Performance Coaching by on Mar 25th, 2011. 1 Comment.
LIVE free class with Coach Sheri on Tuesday 6pm pst/9pm est MARCH 22, 2011
Be the Inspiration: 7 Ways to Inspire Your World
Participants will use the acronym INSPIRE and will learn 7 key components of explosive personal and leadership growth. We will explore the authentic you, beliefs, action steps, the 3 P’s (people, purpose, and prosperity), the impact of love, creating your team, and managing personal and group energy.
This class is designed to take you from getting inspired personally to becoming the inspiration to those around you. Learn what it takes to become an inspiring leader so you can grow your business, become a leader in your profession, lead a program, make a difference and/or become a thought leader. Learn how to use your personal development story to create a meaningful and inspiring platform.
Teleclass Description:
Tuition: No Cost
The call will be recorded.
Click Here for more info:
Filed under Blog, Events by on Mar 18th, 2011. Comment.
Book Excerpt from Coach Sheri’s Top Life Coaching Tips: Live Each Day with More Peace, Passion, Energy and Joy eBook. Introduction:
Welcome to my Top Life Coaching Tips, 2nd Edition. I created this eBook for you. I am sharing these tips in random order and I intend for you to choose the ones that resonate with you and then forget the rest. You may want to browse through all of the tips at one sitting- or read one each day…you choose. I want you to be inspired and to live the life of your dreams- the life that you were meant to live. I consider the most essential piece of success is to guard and guide one’s thought life. Many of my tips are directly related to how you think and its impact on your life.
I have created links throughout my eBook for your ease of use in case you would like to visit any of the suggested resources as you read through my tips. I welcome emails and I also would love to connect with you on twitter and Facebook . See the above page for my contact information links.
If you enjoy my Top Life Coaching Tips, you may also enjoy my book, Keys to Living Joyfully .
Love and Blessings,
Coach Sheri
As you read through these tips- you may notice some feelings and fears coming up for you regarding making changes- so I wrote this poem for you:
Daring Something New
by Sheri Kaye Hoff
Committed to being open
Stretching
Growing
My heart trembles
My mind turns
Palms are damp
Fear growls around me
As I try something new- unknown
Part of me wants to give up
Part of me thrills to the challenge
I am on the edge
The verge of choice
Terrified of a mistake
Yet driven to move forward
Slowing down my breathing
Resolve enters my heart
I push on-
daring to dive
into my new adventure
The peace of decision
and rightness enters my heart
I am certain.
(Sheri Kaye Hoff 2010)
Tip 1: What are you thinking?
What are you thinking about? Your thought process may go something like this: I have three deadlines I am trying to meet, children that need to be dropped off/picked up, I missed my exercise today, and I have to balance my checkbook before I spend one more dollar….and so on-then it starts all over again. To pull yourself out of a vicious circle of negative thoughts, you need to make a conscious effort.
Refocus your mind. Think about your big vision and your big goals. Stretch, move around. Distract yourself and then consciously pull in thoughts that uplift you.
Use your affirmations like my favorites: “I am so happy and so grateful now that I have peace, energy, joy, and passion every moment of every day.” I am so happy now that I inspire people daily” and “I am so thankful that I have all of the time I need”. You will find your energy level changing as you purposefully redirect your thoughts.
Tip 2: Giving generously
I could be listening to the news on any given morning and of course, the topic would probably be “the terrible economy”. What happens in your mind when you start thinking about how bad the economic outlook is? Some things that typically pop into people’s minds are spending less, lowering expenses, and, yes, people perhaps think about giving less. It is at precisely this time when giving generously is important. It is a sign of faith and it creates a deeply satisfying feeling of being able to give. I notice that when I give generously, not only do I feel great, but other great things seem to happen around me. Ask yourself today, who needs me? Who needs my help? How can I make a difference?
Tip 3: Time and Passion
When I was at a research conference in Atlanta, I had the opportunity to pop into a time management workshop. I am always eager to get tips and ideas that I can pass on to clients or even learn for myself. One thing that struck me as I was sitting in this presentation is the importance of passion. The speaker mentioned passion and passion is one of the subjects that I frequently write about.
Sometimes, it is easy to forget about passion when individuals have deadlines looming and they are immersed in a list of “have tos” and “shoulds”. When this happens, it is a good idea to take a step back and evaluate the situation. Remember that passion led you to the project. It is probably still there somewhere just waiting to be rediscovered. If it is not there-can you shift the project to someone else? Or is there some way, some new approach that will ignite your passion again?
Think about the projects that you have completed while you felt the heat and drive of passion. Maybe it was a new change initiative that positively affected others in your community? Maybe it was a need that you saw and felt the urge to find a remedy? Perhaps you came up with a brilliant idea for a story, an article, a book and you started writing and never looked up until you accomplished your goal. My suggestion is to find ways to tap this natural passion and natural curiosity that we have as human beings.
Stop making it so hard. It should be easy-when you feel passion…
To get this free ebook: Contact Coach Sheri
Filed under Articles, Blog by on Mar 7th, 2011. Comment.
Do you have some goals that you have been talking about for 6 to 12 months? Your goal might be starting a business, getting a better job, moving, or maybe something else. I am asking that you take a look at that goal and ask yourself: What have I done to make it happen? What progress have I made over the last six to twelve months?
I don’t mean…beat yourself up…but honestly reflect. Have you done anything? Are your efforts inconsistent, or half hearted? Maybe…you need to change your goal…or maybe you need to step into some action steps. Be honest with yourself. Are you really taking action…or are you just thinking about your goal? I see this often with small biz folks…they think they are always working, when in reality, often they are only thinking about acting.
Exercise: Write down five things you accomplished in the last two weeks that got you closer to your goal, then write down five action steps you commit to this week. Pick one to do today. As you begin acting- keep a notebook handy so you can keep track of questions that come up. Then ask your coach, ask colleagues, ask friends, search google, search articles, etc…for the answers.
If you are wondering where to start with your action, pick the action steps that have the most impact. For small biz- some ideas are list building, product development, sales, communicating with your list, blogging, marketing , social media (careful…this can eat up a lot of time- be strategic). If you are trying to get a job or a better job: Update your resume and actually apply for some jobs (research is implied here- but I know lots of people who comb through internet postings for hours and hours- then never apply for anything), network- in person and online, add to your skill set, make follow up calls, etc.
Success Tip: Keep your self on track by completing an Accountability Worksheet each and every week. (Keeping track of goals and accomplishments, questions, and actions).
Hint: If you are trying to accomplish a goal: daily, consistent action, gets you there.
Don’t let another six to twelve months go by…heck, don’t let another day go by- work on your goals today.
I would love to know what you are doing to stay on track with your goals?
Filed under Articles, Blog by on Feb 25th, 2011. Comment.
The Top 2 Challenges that People Face
I have been surveying people for over a year by asking them for their top three challenges. Everyone who signs up for a free strategy session with me- fills out a form where they can list their top three challenges that they face. Consistently- wanting to feel peaceful and relaxed about money and desiring inspiring work have been the top two. ( I do, sometimes, find that during our initial discussion, these top two are really masking something else).
But let’s look at money issues and inspiring work.
You can feel peaceful and relaxed about money no matter how much money you have or lack of money that you have.
So, when you feel that bills are looming and overwhelming, how can you feel peaceful about money? Set the intention that your inner-peace is not related to money. Learn to be peaceful and relaxed in the present moment.
What do I mean by this? For example, let’s say you have a bill due on the fifteenth and it’s the fifth. You don’t know how you are going to pay this bill and it’s an important bill. Your past reaction to situations like this has been to fret, worry, and lose sleep. Instead of experiencing all the worry, you can bring yourself fully present through some deep breathes, feeling your feet on the floor, and recalling a moment when you successfully met a financial challenge. Pat yourself on the back for your success. Recognize that you have made it this far in life. As you calm down, your thinking clears and you are more open to intuition. You may get a brainstorm around taking care of that bill. Maybe you think of something you can sell, or another solution pops into your head which is exactly the right solution. Approach every money issue from a place of peace and calm.
What about inspiring work? You may have heard stories about people quitting their jobs and starting companies and eventually becoming millionaires. Yes, this can happen, but I am not here today to tell you to quit your job and start a business. I am here to tell you that no matter what you do, you can find something inspirational about it. If you have ever watched the reality TV show the Under Cover Boss- you have witnessed entry level employees with repetitive tasks and their lights still shine in their work.
I do think that everyone has a purpose – something that ignites passion and fulfillment. While you do inner work and soul searching to uncover this purpose and to determine your path, you can still shine at whatever you do. You can be inspired and inspire other people. The key is to find something that you love about the job. When I was in high school, I worked at a fast food restaurant and came home each night smelling like a French fry. There was a lot not to love about working in this environment, but I focused on the customers, I loved talking to people and helping them. Guess what I love most about my coaching practice today? Talking to people and helping them. I knew my purpose as a teenager. Yes, I lost my way a few times as an adult, but the essence of what I love about my work has stayed the same. My work, now, just exists on a higher level. My challenge to you today- is for you to find something inspiring about your current work. As you learn what inspires you- your path will unfold.
Stop waiting for some day to be peaceful, relaxed and inspired. You can have all of these elements in your life today.
Post your comments here.
Filed under Articles, Blog, Life Coaching by on Feb 16th, 2011. 1 Comment.
I’ve created a form that is a simple decision making tool.
It can be used in a variety of circumstances, but I designed is specifically for those moments when you are deciding “what to do”.
Accomplishing things is important. Reaching goals is important. Time management is important. Managing our ENERGY, is more important. This tool is meant to help you manage your thoughts, your time and your energy effectively.
If you use the decision making tool, and then stick to the choice you make, you will save yourself a good amount of energy and angst.
Post your comments here!
Filed under Blog, Business Coaching, Coaching, Life Coaching, Performance Coaching by on Feb 11th, 2011. Comment.






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