So often when I am working with clients, I find that they are making life difficult for themselves. These are just some of the ways:
It’s funny, a lot of people may have heard of hiring a life coach, and been intrigued…But perhaps didn’t take action because the idea was so new, or not well understood.
It took me halfway through our first session to realize that a life coach was exactly what I had been looking for.
In a wonderful article for Huffington Post, Anita Moorjani outlines 4 myths that keep you from living fully and fearlessly:
…Really, these are all myths about how to properly love yourself.
Many of you will be getting together with family…I’m sure most of you look forward to it, and I’ll bet that many of you, at least somewhat, dread some of the, let’s say, less-than-fully-functional family interactions!
Well, here’s my wild suggestion…
How does a person that “can’t” swim complete a triathlon?
From Jeptha Davenport’s Blog:
I wasn’t worried so much about swimming fast as not drowning.
Jeptha took on an incredible challenge.
Read about how he triumphed here:
And then, see if you can get away with telling your coach, or yourself, what you can’t do! 🙂
One of my clients recently had an incredible success…I’m going to share it with you (with his permission, and some of the details have been changed to protect privacy!)
My client, let’s call him John, works at a high-profile charitable organization. It’s a very prestigious and somewhat high-pressure place to work, but worth it!
Except…When John starting having issues with a new boss, Bob. Bob was controlling, demanding, irrational, and incompetent. He was verbally and emotionally abusive, especially when he recognized he “didn’t know” what to do or the answer to problems.
Things were going in a very bad direction for John. The direction that has all the indicators of the build up to getting fired. Being required to account for every moment of his time. Being blamed for things that were not his fault but having no opportunity to explain himself. Being sidelined and outcast.
Things were complicated by John’s own self concept. “Maybe Bob is right…Maybe I am slow and not good enough to work at a place like this.” “Maybe I am a bad communicator.” “Maybe it is all my fault.”
Thankfully, logic, and a little coaching, helped John see that it wasn’t all his fault. There was objective evidence that he was performing his duties as he was supposed to. There were objective things that Bob that were doing that reached the level of abuse.
It was still an agonizing decision, though. What could be done about this situation? This was a very prestigious job and John didn’t want to lose it. John came to a crucial decision that was core to his success. He’d rather work somewhere else than put up with this treatment.
Once he accepted that, and all of the ramifications of that, he was fully empowered.
Fully knowing that it may lead to his swift firing, John scheduled a meeting with Bob’s boss. He brought objective written evidence of Bob’s behavior. He made it clear that there needed to be an immediate cessation of the abusive behavior or John would leave the organization. John gave Bob’s superior two weeks to come up with a solution.
(Now, for anyone reading this that is in a similar situation…I know there are many of you. The caveat here is an action like this may very well lead to the end of your time at this job. You must be ok with that as a possible outcome. If that does happen, you’ll most likely soon come to see it was for the best in any case. It is never a good long-term plan to let yourself get abused.)
Back to John. It’s almost like a miracle happened. Bob’s boss spoke to everyone in the department, everyone that was too afraid to speak out, and learned the truth about Bob’s behavior. Everyone confirmed exactly the same experiences that John was having. The truth was known.
The organization immediately started to work with Bob to improve his management skills and make it clear to him what behavior and language will not be tolerated.
Things were immediately better for John. It was made clear to him that he was highly valued, and there certainly were no plans to fire him. John feels secure in his job and he’s even taking on some new projects that he really loves and excels at. And, he is being supported, not sabotaged. John is back to LOVING his job.
John’s boss, Bob, has shown REAL change. He interacts with John, the rest of the department, and his peers, in a fair and professional manner. He seems to be really “getting” how a great manager can be. And, you know what, Bob has even become a happier and more balanced person himself.
The whole department is happier and healthier. All because one person was willing to honor themselves and no longer put up with abuse, no matter what the cost. One person was willing to tell the truth, and let things evolve from there.
Good things always evolve from truth and doing what is right. It may not always go as “smoothly” as it did for John, but it is always the right thing for all concerned. In this case, the great outcome is a perfect reflection of the courage it took for John to speak the truth and be willing to let whatever happened happen.
The Guardian recently published a great article about a nurse’s discussions with people at the end of their lives. What did they look back on and regret?
There were some common themes!
I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
I wish that I had let myself be happier.
Perhaps not surprisingly, this is a list very consistent with the major themes of coaching.
Happiness matters, and is largely under your control.
Most people I speak with are giving more to their job than their job gives to them.
Most people I speak with have dreams, values, and personal characteristics they aren’t living.
Most people get true fulfillment in life from their personal relationships.
Most people can gain immeasurably by expressing their feelings. It is a key to not only deepening relationships, but also understanding yourself, who you want to be, and accessing the wisdom and energy required to create a truly great life.
Read the full article here…Top Five Regrets of the Dying.
The snowstorm hitting the Northeast, Ontario and Atlantic provinces certainly is a challenge! Yet, like all challenges it contains some great opportunities for learning, appreciation, enjoyment and fulfillment. There is a lot to love here!
Top 5 Things to Love About the Snowstorm:
5. A Change From Your Usual Routine (a big one!)
It’s great when the weather simply makes it impossible to engage in your usual responsibilities. This is a chance to take a mini-break from work, school and even your usual mental concerns. Allow yourself this break! What does this break allow you to do that you usually can not? Play in the snow is an obvious first option!
4. A Super Chance for Learning
Yes, in a situation like this, some things are not going to go perfectly. That’s ok, that’s what growth looks like! This is a great chance for individuals, and towns, cities, states, provinces and countries to refine methods of communication, mutual support, and logistics. For example, we have ever increasing numbers of cool technologies now, cell phone cameras, Twitter, Facebook, crowd sourcing…How can they be used in situations like this? How can we engage weather events in better, smarter more organized ways? It doesn’t seem like there is going to be a decrease in challenging and unique weather events any time soon. No time like the present to get smart!
3. Exercise Your Appreciation Muscles!
The corner variety store owner. The snowplowing crews. The police, firefighters and emergency workers. The city workers and administrators. How often do you stop and give notice to how much these people help you? Not just in emergencies, but all the time! There is a complex network of people around you, helping you live the very best life you can. If it isn’t always obvious, it should be obvious right now. Feel the appreciation and share the love with a heartfelt thanks!
2. A Chance to Commune and Cooperate with Our Neighbors
We may have our Facebook friends, our co-workers and our families, but how often do we actually come out of our houses and talk to our neighbors? How often do we get to pitch in and help? Helping your community feels great and can make a huge contribution. Who needs help digging out? Is there an elderly person in the neighborhood you might check on? Do you have extra supplies you can share? Are there any pets or wildlife in distress? If you can’t find a way to pitch in and help, you’re not trying! (Conversely, if you need help, ask for it! Most people would love to help you if you tell them what you need.)
1. A Chance to Have Quality (Quiet!) Time with Our Family
Typical day at home…Everyone is in their own room staring at their own screens. There’s nothing like a power outage to bring everyone into the same room. And, gasp, talk to each other! Talk, play games, tell stories, work together and create memories. Maybe even a little snuggling to stay warm. 🙂 There can be nothing more refreshing, fulfilling and enjoyable than quality time with your family. Even if it wasn’t necessarily by choice. You may find that you enjoy it so much, you make some new resolutions, like one “blackout” evening per month from now on!
True fulfillment in life does not necessarily come when everything is “fine” and “normal”. True fulfillment comes in growth, creativity, overcoming challenges, helping others and connecting with other people. This snowstorm is a great opportunity for the quality moments that develop character and add depth and meaning to our lives.
These are things that work in your favour, that you may not often, or have never, considered!
5. It is easier to create good results than “bad” results.
4. If you don’t know what to do, it’s not time to do anything. Relax.
3. You can’t help but grow. Translation, it’s all good and it’s all helping you.
2. The path to everything you desire is very simple: Endeavor to be happy.
1. There is infinite power and choice in this very moment…