Many people come to coaching with the feeling/experience of being stuck. Read more
Many of you will be getting together with family…I’m sure most of you look forward to it, and I’ll bet that many of you, at least somewhat, dread some of the, let’s say, less-than-fully-functional family interactions!
Well, here’s my wild suggestion…
How does a person that “can’t” swim complete a triathlon?
From Jeptha Davenport’s Blog:
I wasn’t worried so much about swimming fast as not drowning.
Jeptha took on an incredible challenge.
Read about how he triumphed here:
And then, see if you can get away with telling your coach, or yourself, what you can’t do! 🙂
We are all familiar with the difficulties involved in getting a coaching web site up and going. And, one that you can actually edit, blog with, etc.
Finally an amazing solution that works. I have to admit. I’m very proud. 😉
Simply, it depends on how long you want a partner helping you create good things in your life!
If you have a very specific short-term goal you’d like to achieve, you may work with your coach only for a few months. (It’s generally not recommended to work with a coach less than three months…It’s often hard to permanently integrate change in a shorter period of time. You need some real-life applying your new knowledge time!)
Many people create some wonderful results with their coach, then just keep using them! A relationship with a coach that “gets you”, knows how to motivate you, and is familiar with your common “pitfalls” can be absolutely invaluable.
Those that keep their coaches on for years, tend to go on to accomplish significant change or achievements, such as serious career advancement, major career change, or writing a book, for example.
Perhaps the most significant achievement for people that keep their coach on long term, is their level of personal fulfillment, and amount of positive contribution they make to the world.
Huff Post has a nice little article on some quotes that came out of the Third Metric: Redefining Success Beyond Money & Power conference in New York. The focus was stress in the workplace and what to do about it…Really though this is a broader issue that applies to our whole lives.
Absorb and honor just one of these 28 insights and you will be moving in the right direction!
Heartbreaking and amazing situation. 3 women held captive for almost 10 years.
I’m sure you’ve heard the reports, but if not you can catch up on CNN…
One thing that really struck me is how Amanda handled the 911 call she made moments after managing to escape the home she had been held captive in.
She was very clear with the operator…(words may be slightly paraphrased) “I’m Amanda Berry and I’ve been kidnapped. I’ve been missing for 10 years. I’m free now.”
She clearly stated her need for police and she would not hang up with the operator until she knew the police were immediately on the way:
911 Operator: “Talk to the police when they get there.”
Amanda: “OK, are they on their way right now? I need to know!”
911 Operator: “As soon as we get a car open.”
Amanda: “No! I need them now!…”
I hear such strength, self-worth and empowerment behind her rightful exclamation of her truth: “No!” (That’s NOT ok!)
I’m amazed and humbled at her level of strength and willingness to claim what she needs. Especially after what I can only imagine was a 10 year tortuous nightmare.
If all people were as willing to state a boundary so clearly and effectively, the world would be a much better place. Thanks to great examples like Amanda, we are getting there.
One of my clients recently had an incredible success…I’m going to share it with you (with his permission, and some of the details have been changed to protect privacy!)
My client, let’s call him John, works at a high-profile charitable organization. It’s a very prestigious and somewhat high-pressure place to work, but worth it!
Except…When John starting having issues with a new boss, Bob. Bob was controlling, demanding, irrational, and incompetent. He was verbally and emotionally abusive, especially when he recognized he “didn’t know” what to do or the answer to problems.
Things were going in a very bad direction for John. The direction that has all the indicators of the build up to getting fired. Being required to account for every moment of his time. Being blamed for things that were not his fault but having no opportunity to explain himself. Being sidelined and outcast.
Things were complicated by John’s own self concept. “Maybe Bob is right…Maybe I am slow and not good enough to work at a place like this.” “Maybe I am a bad communicator.” “Maybe it is all my fault.”
Thankfully, logic, and a little coaching, helped John see that it wasn’t all his fault. There was objective evidence that he was performing his duties as he was supposed to. There were objective things that Bob that were doing that reached the level of abuse.
It was still an agonizing decision, though. What could be done about this situation? This was a very prestigious job and John didn’t want to lose it. John came to a crucial decision that was core to his success. He’d rather work somewhere else than put up with this treatment.
Once he accepted that, and all of the ramifications of that, he was fully empowered.
Fully knowing that it may lead to his swift firing, John scheduled a meeting with Bob’s boss. He brought objective written evidence of Bob’s behavior. He made it clear that there needed to be an immediate cessation of the abusive behavior or John would leave the organization. John gave Bob’s superior two weeks to come up with a solution.
(Now, for anyone reading this that is in a similar situation…I know there are many of you. The caveat here is an action like this may very well lead to the end of your time at this job. You must be ok with that as a possible outcome. If that does happen, you’ll most likely soon come to see it was for the best in any case. It is never a good long-term plan to let yourself get abused.)
Back to John. It’s almost like a miracle happened. Bob’s boss spoke to everyone in the department, everyone that was too afraid to speak out, and learned the truth about Bob’s behavior. Everyone confirmed exactly the same experiences that John was having. The truth was known.
The organization immediately started to work with Bob to improve his management skills and make it clear to him what behavior and language will not be tolerated.
Things were immediately better for John. It was made clear to him that he was highly valued, and there certainly were no plans to fire him. John feels secure in his job and he’s even taking on some new projects that he really loves and excels at. And, he is being supported, not sabotaged. John is back to LOVING his job.
John’s boss, Bob, has shown REAL change. He interacts with John, the rest of the department, and his peers, in a fair and professional manner. He seems to be really “getting” how a great manager can be. And, you know what, Bob has even become a happier and more balanced person himself.
The whole department is happier and healthier. All because one person was willing to honor themselves and no longer put up with abuse, no matter what the cost. One person was willing to tell the truth, and let things evolve from there.
Good things always evolve from truth and doing what is right. It may not always go as “smoothly” as it did for John, but it is always the right thing for all concerned. In this case, the great outcome is a perfect reflection of the courage it took for John to speak the truth and be willing to let whatever happened happen.
The Guardian recently published a great article about a nurse’s discussions with people at the end of their lives. What did they look back on and regret?
There were some common themes!
I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
I wish that I had let myself be happier.
Perhaps not surprisingly, this is a list very consistent with the major themes of coaching.
Happiness matters, and is largely under your control.
Most people I speak with are giving more to their job than their job gives to them.
Most people I speak with have dreams, values, and personal characteristics they aren’t living.
Most people get true fulfillment in life from their personal relationships.
Most people can gain immeasurably by expressing their feelings. It is a key to not only deepening relationships, but also understanding yourself, who you want to be, and accessing the wisdom and energy required to create a truly great life.
Read the full article here…Top Five Regrets of the Dying.